Enter the Group Chat, Our Social Media Methadone
The worse mainstream platforms become, the more we can appreciate the detoxifying comfort of our little threads.
Well, maybe we got what we wished for. Social media has become markedly less addictive.
There’s the Musk-if-ication of Twitter. The Zuckerberg ring kiss. And, of course, the propaganda-esque antics going on over at TikTok, which may soon be state-owned. Unsurprisingly, people are finally making good on their threats to delete the app. The digital web agency Tink coined 2024 “The Year of Disengagement,” estimating that this year, half of people will significantly limit their social media use due to what they see as a decline in quality.
By now, the harms caused by social media - to our mental health, phone batteries, and the concept of democracy in general - are clear. Still, social media started out pure in a way - a place to crack jokes, catch up, and swap dopamine hits with people we know irl. Much of that has been lost to doom-scrolling, misinformation, and targeted ads about something you were just talking about. And yet, group chats remain one of the more wholesome corners of modern technology (even when the conversations devolve into filth).
The group chat lets private people show off pictures of their children and personal lives without sharing them online. It helps old friends stay intact while remaining a benign source of gossip between hahas and heart reactions. It’s like a little reality show in your hand that you get to be a part of. For some of us, group texts have become the outlet for venting in the therapy sessions we can no longer afford.
There is a mob type of sanctity, a gritty purity, to the group chat. You don’t screenshot shit-talking. You only break off into sub-group chats to keep unnecessary conflict from escalating. And for the love of god, you don’t have a phone that turns your texts green and makes every notification a living hellscape for your friends. That myth is perpetuated by mediocre memes and dads who fear technology more than the Unfrozen Caveman Lawyer.
Trading in our overstimulating handles for soothing text threads may ultimately be what’s best. According to the theory of Dunbar’s Number, human beings are only designed to handle up to 150 relationships. That’s at least a couple thousand fewer followers than many of us had before the great X-odus. But that is about 20 group chats, give or take.
You might not hit those figures exactly, but it’s probably a healthier aspiration than going viral.
Sleeping in Makeup: A Eulogy
The movie Bridesmaids is a classic, but much has changed since 2011. And the days of Kristen Wiig tip-toeing to the bathroom to touch up her makeup before crawling back into bed to fake sleep are thankfully over. (The days of getting food poisoning-induced diarrhea in the street are hopefully numbered, too.)
Despite some attempts to make sleepable makeup happen, skincare and sleep hygiene trends have eclipsed foundation. We are now in the era of “The uglier you go to bed, the prettier you wake up.”
The origin remains unclear, but the phrase emerged on social media about a year ago and means precisely what it sounds like. The more mouth tape, face masks, and silk hair bonnets you wrap your head in at night, the closer you wake up to looking like a Disney princess who didn’t have to kiss any weird dude.
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The best part of this trend isn’t just for the girlies; anyone can tape their mouth shut for a better night's sleep or wear eye gels to reduce puffiness and dark circles. All it takes is a little effort to get a lot “ugly.” But for anyone who has touched up their eyeliner from the night before while finger-brushing their teeth at sunrise, the death of sleeping in makeup could have come sooner. It will not be missed.
The WAGS of Wild Sports Gamblers Win The Super Bowl Every Year
Tess Barker is a journalist, comic, and podcaster who hosts “Lady to Lady” and “Pop Mystery Pod,” not to mention the co-founder of Hooky. Tess is also a big sports fan - a hobby fed in no small part by the fact that her husband, Sean Green, hosts the Sports Gambling Podcast, the flagship show on the Sports Gambling Podcast Network. Looking ahead to Super Bowl LIX, we sat down with Tess to talk football, love, and how to dip your toe into gambling.
What was your first introduction to sports gambling? Was your partner always into it?
Yes, my partner has been into sports gambling as long as I’ve known him. He was very much my introduction into the world. It’s something that I enjoyed learning about from him. Some of the odds and lines can look a little intimidating until you have someone explain it to you.
What made you make the jump between observing and supporting him to participating in sports gambling yourself? How long ago was this?
Once I learned how to read spreads, it became something fun I’d do from time to time to make myself more interested in a game. I started doing this early in our relationship because I found myself constantly watching or listening to games with him. Betting is a great way to make any game fun. Put twenty bucks on the outcome. Boom. All of a sudden, you care.
What was your first bet, and how did it go?
My first bet was actually on the Super Bowl L in 2016. I wanted to bet on the Broncos to win, but he talked me out of it. So I put money on the Panthers and lost. It was a funny bonding moment because we both realized I shouldn’t always listen to him.
How has sports gambling helped your relationship? Is there ever any tension about it? For instance, if you both lose, how do you handle it? If one of you wins and the other loses, how do you support each other?
Sports gambling has helped our relationship, in that it’s a shared interest we have and a language we both speak. That said, I don’t gamble nearly as often as my partner, and I think this is good. It’s useful to have one person in the relationship who’s just a casual dabbler. That makes it more fun and less routine when we both bet on things.
Like drugs or alcohol, there is a lot of social judgment about gambling in general. How do you speak to criticisms about sports gambling and justify your positive experience?
As with any vice, the key is moderation. Anything can be harmful if you do it too much. The things they say about healthy gambling are true: you shouldn’t chase your losses, and you shouldn’t bet more than you can afford to lose. I look at gambling in Vegas the same way I do buying a ticket to a show: I’m paying this money to have an experience. If I happen to leave $1,000 richer, awesome.
Though you can’t count on winning, it’s certainly not nothing, and I’d be lying if I said we didn’t have some positive experiences winning as a family. My husband actually bought my engagement ring after winning big playing fantasy on Draft Kings. I call it my draft ring.
Do you have any advice for someone making their first bet this Super Bowl?
I like taking the over on a big game like the Super Bowl because it’s more fun to root for people to score than not. The Super Bowl is also a great place to get your gambling beak wet because there are so many prop bets - those novelty bets that have little or nothing to do with football. You can bet on things like the length of the national anthem, the color of the Gatorade, and of course, this year, how many times they will show Taylor Swift.
If you’re looking to try gambling (maybe with your sweetheart?) Sign up at MyBookie.ag and use promo code HOOKY to get a match on all your deposits up to $1,000. ($150 min deposit for first-timers)
The Forecast: The Forecast: Bitcoin is at $101,415/Gold is at $2,825.90/The mutha fucking Super Bowl is Philadelphia Eagles vs. Kansas City Chiefs Sunday, February 9th at 3:30pmPT/6:30 pm ET/Getting stoned can maybe help you kick that head cold, one way to find out
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